Starting college is a bit like opening the first page of a brand new book, a whole new world awaits full of unfamiliar characters, experiences and endless opportunities. College is often a strange mix of independence and chaos where you are surrounded by hundreds of potential friends, yet it is easy to feel overwhelmed by the thought of building your own social circle. One question that often sits at the back of a student’s mind is: Where do I start?
While making new friends can be intimidating, a reassuring truth offered by social psychology is that humans are hardwired for connection. The trick is knowing how to navigate these new environments and social norms, and place yourself in situations where meaningful friendships can grow naturally. The good news is that making friends in college isn’t about being the loudest and most outgoing person in the room. It’s about making small, intentional choices that open the door to connection.
The First Few Weeks Matter Most
Those first couple of weeks are golden for making friends. Everyone is in the same boat! New, a little nervous, and looking to connect. Here’s what you need to know:
- Compliments are great conversation starters!
- Be friendly and introduce yourself to your new classmates.
- Go to the first socials, campus tours or club meet-ups.
- If you live in a dorm, get to know your roommates and neighbours.
Friendship isn’t only found at big events, it can start in line at the local coffee shop, in the library, or in the few awkward minutes before a class. Sitting next to the same person twice in a lecture and simply saying “Hey, I think we sat next to each other in class last week” can quickly evolve into friendship.
Find Your People Through Shared Interests
The great thing about college is that it offers countless opportunities for connecting with people beyond the classroom. Friendships click more easily when you have things in common because we are naturally drawn to people who share our interests and values. Here’s the secret: look for communities and events that genuinely interest you. These will come with less pressure, and will increase your comfort and natural interactions. Put yourself in places where you will find like-minded people:
- Join social clubs, cultural groups, or sports teams that appeal to you.
- Try out a volunteer project, or charity event.
- Attend public lectures on topics you find fascinating.
Once you meet someone you would like to be friends with, keep showing up and make an effort to hang out with them. Friendships grow from consistency, not once-off interactions.
Small Gestures go a Long Way
Another helpful truth offered by social psychology is that people are drawn to kindness and compassion, a simple gesture may then be the key to finding a new friend. For example, you can:
- Share lecture notes.
- Offer a friendly smile.
- Save a seat for someone in class.
- Hold the door open for someone, and say a simple “Hey” on their way past.
- Invite someone to grab a coffee in-between classes.
Friendships don’t always start with grand gestures, even small acts of kindness invite reciprocity, and are a great start to a meaningful friendship.
Stay Curious, Not Just Interesting
Genuine curiosity and questions about others invite self-disclosure, which not only allows you to learn interesting facts about your new peers, but also strengthens the connection and allows for a deeper friendship. Try to ask thoughtful questions like:
- “How did you choose your major?”
- “What is your favorite thing about college so far?”
While being impressive and talking about yourself is a great way for people to get to know you, you may find that the connections you build by listening to others are more significant and long-lasting. Not only does asking questions help with connecting with others, it also helps you determine who you would like to be friends with.
What Not to Do
Think of a new friendship like a delicate plant. You can’t flood it with attention or leave it in the dark. Being overzealous, or relying on one person to fulfill your social needs can be overwhelming for them. On the other hand, disappearing between interactions may signal disinterest. Find a balance and a neutral rhythm of regular, but low-pressure contact.
Social Anxiety – And When to Seek Help
For some college students, making friends isn’t as simple as finding the opportunities to do so. If you’ve ever felt your heart race at the thought of introducing yourself, or avoided events because of the fear of saying something awkward, you’re not alone. Social anxiety is common in college, especially when everything feels new and uncertain. Here’s what you can do:
- Start small – Begin with one-on-one conversations or small gatherings.
- Shift the spotlight – If you feel nervous while talking to someone new, ask them a question. Most people love talking about themselves, and it takes the pressure off of you.
- Normalize the nerves – Almost everyone is a little anxious when meeting new people in college. You’re not the only one feeling this way.
- Practice self -compassion – If you stumble over your words or feel awkward, think of it as practice – not failure. Most people forget these small slip-ups quickly.
But sometimes, social anxiety can feel overwhelming and begin to interfere with daily life. If you’re skipping classes, avoiding group activities, and feel isolated a lot of the time, it may be time to reach out for support. Mental health professionals can provide tools to manage social anxiety and build confidence in social settings.
Most importantly, remember that struggling with social anxiety doesn’t mean you can’t make friends. Many students feel the same way but don’t talk about it. With patience, small steps, and the right support, building meaningful friendships is absolutely possible.
Take the Pressure Off
Making friends in college isn’t a race to secure your social circle in the first week, it takes time, and often happens when you least expect it. Here are some final thoughts to take the pressure off:
- Building friendships takes time, don’t get discouraged if you don’t immediately click with everyone you meet.
- Making friends in college isn’t always easy, but it is important to remember that not every acquaintance will be a lifelong friend, and that’s okay.
- A small, strong circle of friends can be much more rewarding than a large group of acquaintances.
- Show up consistently, be kind, stay curious, and you’ll find your circle of friends.
- The real secret to making friends is showing up authentically as yourself. Trying too hard to impress people can be exhausting.
- In the end, friendships that last are the ones built on authenticity.
